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A visit with my therapist during my ongoing struggle with Altered Reality Syndrome (ARS)…
- So, do you want to talk about what brings you in here today?
- Not really, but then again, I didn’t want to talk about it yesterday either, but I did, so I suppose I will talk about it now too.
- Where were you?
- I was at a golf lesson.
- You talk about your career at your golf lessons?
- No, but a huge thunderstorm came through just as I finished my lesson, so we had to wait it out in his office. We just sat and talked for a while. I asked questions about his life and he about mine.
- So what happened?
- Well, he asked about my background, so I told him a shortened version. The one where I chase my trumpet around the country looking for a job I would actually enjoy. Sacramento, Chicago (briefly on 4th), San Francisco, then Chicago again (this time in the chair). I told him that playing Principal in Chicago had been a long time dream that just wasn’t at all what I thought it would be. I told him that it was an extremely prestigious position in my field, that winning that audition was something like winning the U.S. Open in golf.
- What did he say?
- He said, “Wow! That’s great! Now, was that a full time job in Chicago, or… what did you do to make a living?”
- Oh.
- Yeah, oh.
- So what did you tell him?
- What do you mean?
- Well… what did you do to earn a living in Chicago?
- I think I’m finished talking to you.
- Already? Was it something I said?
- I said I’m not talking to you.
That pretty much sums it up, Craig. It was that realization that allowed me to walk away from a very big job – one that, in my mind, carried a boatload of prestige. When you realize just how unimportant we actually are in the scope of things, in the real world, then you can start to make better choices regarding things like quality of life and impact on family, etc.
There are a 1.3 billion people in China who could give a rat’s butt about what we do for a living here. Ya know what? There are about 300 million in the US that are right there with them. The only people who keep track of who plays 3rd trumpet in the Stuttgart Prison Orchestra are other trumpet players, not that little hottie that lives down the street (unless he/she happens to be a trumpet player). Do it for the “right” reasons.
J
Jim,
Great comments as always. It is so easy to get caught up in being in an “important” job or being an “important” musician. In the end, it is all about doing things that make you — and those around you — happy. It has taken me a while to learn this, but I’m getting there! I think your words and actions are a good guide for anyone seeking a career as a musician.
Thanks for taking the time to write.
Craig
I think that this topic aims right at the heart of what is wrong with the business of symphonic music. It reminds me of a comedian named Emo Phillips. He had a gag in his stand up routine where he would talk about his dad’s constant warning to NEVER EVER open the cellar door. EVER!! So one day little Emo slowly opened the cellar door and was amazed at what he saw. Sunshine, Trees, Birds, Grass……you get the idea.
Orchestra musicians have a terrible time keeping their work in perspective and understanding their purpose and role in society in general. The King of the Hill game we play on the audition circuit is never ending, even after we get a gig. Our lives as orchestral trumpeters are almost never about music. It’s really about tribal dominance. This is how self worth is determined by many including myself.
Bob Sullivan said the most poignant thing about it during my lesson a couple of years back. He said music is a communicative and social art form. This really resonated with me. Am I actually reaching anyone and communicating something pleasureable and meaningful to them? Or am I just trying to impress a handful of orchestra wannabe’s. The dynamics of this large philosophical and existential question really bothered me.
So along comes hurricane katrina cramping the lifestyle of the Louisiana Philharmonic Orchestra in a big way. After 28 years of second trumpet and countless frustrations on the audition circuit, I decided to jump off the merry go round.
At the prompting of a long time friend in San Antonio, I moved there to spend most of my time teaching private students coaching sectionals and holding master classes in the area schools. In addition, I play with a quintet that focuses on inspirational and educational performances for young people. Not chasing Empire or ABQ. And so far, this is a joyous and satisfying endeavor. I am communicating directly with many fine young trumpeters and musicians and performing with a purpose. To reach youngsters through music and perhaps have a major positive influence. To me, this has so much more meaning than the relatively hollow pursuit of an orchestral chair.
Thanks for your forum and the opportunity to post.
Mike Bucalo
Free Lance Trumpeter
Teacher
San Antonio TX
Mike,
That was a thought provoking post! Your students are lucky to have you for a teacher and role model.Best wishes in your endeavors!
Sincerely,
Roy Griffin